The Courteous Ninjas

To understand the Courteous Ninjas is to truly understand music for all it is. Furthermore, once you have succumbed to the awesome power of the the Ninjas, you will only then actually begin to enjoy life.

Here is the story:

In the late 1960s, the world's super heroes really sucked. They did nothing and crime was rampant. Also at this time a group of young men were faced with a decision. One, they could enter the music industry, dominate it, and produce some of the finest music the Western world would ever know or, two, they could pick up the slack for all the suck-ass superheroes of the world and rid the world of crime once and for all.
I think we all know the story from there: the world was, as a result of the Ninja's selfless sacrifice, rendered crime free.
In the late 1990s, a prominent record exec approached the aging Courteous Ninjas, long since retired from the superhero game, with an offer to reclaim what was rightfully theirs: three decades of rock.
Much to the chagrin of the other subservient musicians of the world, the Ninjas were still good. Really good. Really really good.
The Ninjas were so good, in fact, that practice would have actually hurt their performances. Finding no real need to master the music that was as natural as the crime-free air that surrounded them, the Ninjas produced the critically acclaimed, undisputed best music ever.
Led by their dynamic lead vocalist, Lance Manyon, the Ninjas also consisted of Hal Crotchborne on the drums, Capt. Major Moto (Ret.) on bass, and the dueling powerhouse guitars of Coitus Maximus and Maximillion Power. For a short time, they had a keyboard player, but no one remembers his name - not even the keyboard player.
Prepare to be rocked. Hard!

THE NINJAS master "SMOKE ON THE WATER" (direct link)


THE NINJAS master "JUKE BOX HERO" (direct link)


THE NINJAS master "CUM ON FEEL THE NOIZE" (direct link)


THE NINJAS master "BLITZKRIEG BOP" (direct link)


THE NINJAS master "DIRTY DEEDS" (direct link)

Barbara Broadcast

Barbara Broadcast
Originally uploaded by cornslaw.

In the Fall of 2005, BGSU's infamous Popular Culture Library purged the collection their BetaMax Adult Film collection - or, at least, a substantial portion of it. At first, I took only a couple of the films, then I went back to get the rest. These films are, for my purposes, unwatchable - I do not own a working BetaMax. The covers are a great example of the porn film industry's "golden age." The films all appear to have been produced in the 1970s and early 1980s and the tapes were all made in the early 1980s.
I am contemplating putting the lot on eBay - I figure they are probably worth something to someone out there.

To view the entire set, go to A Collection of Classic Adult Film BetaMax Covers

My New Best Friend Says Hello

Concerned, Part 3

Three more videos from the first party at Molly's house - not the first one she ever had, I'm sure, but the first one I taped Concerned playing at.
Here are songs seven, eight, and nine: "Shattered," "Deceived," and a cover of Youth of Today's "Freewill." For songs one through six, see posts ONE and TWO.

Some song titles are pretty much guesses...

"Shattered" (direct link)


"Deceived" (direct link)


"Freewill" (direct link)

The Day the Space Ships Landed

Glenda was sure she would be the one to greet the aliens when they finally arrived. She knew approximately where they would land and she knew approximately when they would land. She was so sure that she forced her husband to move to the Jersey shore in order to better prepare for their coming. She was correct.
On certain mornings, Glenda would awake in a panic, scream - which would, in turn, awake her husband, and frantically prepare to go to the beach. She was sure that is where the aliens would come. She was unsure of which beach in particular would entice the alien visitors - would it be Avalon, Barnegat Light, perhaps Seaside - so she would go with her feeling on a given day.
This day she chose correctly. Just as the alien space craft came into sight, Glenda grabbed her husbands arm, screamed - which, in turn, startled her husband, and posed for a picture. Her husband was given strict orders to wait until the space craft was in plain view behind Glenda, but this was just another in a series of strict orders given to Glenda's husband. He was quite prone to fail most orders.
"Ooh, ooh... here it comes, ready?"
"Yes, Glenda, I'm ready."
"Like I said, wait until it's in plain view."
"Yes, yes, I know... *snap* ... whoops."
"Whoops? What?"
"I took a picture already."
"So, take another one."
"Glenda, I forgot to get more film."

Concerned, Part 2

Here are three more videos from the same party as the "Concerned, Part 1" post. Concerned playing in Morrisville, PA in either 1991 or 1992. Concerned would morph into Prema and record two albums for Equal Vision Records.

"Known" (direct link) (I think that's the title of this one)


"Differences" (direct link)


"What Goes Around" (direct link) (Again, I think that's what it's called)

Concerned, Part 1

Here are the first 3 videos from the first of two parties Concerned (who would later morph into Equal Vision recording artists Prema) plaed at Molly M.'s parents house in Morrisille, PA (I've omitted Molly's last name in case she does not want to be connected to this blog, videos, etc. - it's been years since I've spoken to her). There are 11 videos total from this party. I think they actually played 12 songs, but I missed recording the cover of Insight Out's "No Spiritual Surrender."
I had originally believed this show to be from 1992 - hence the 1992's that run throughout the videos - but I now believe it was from 1991... feel free to correct me. Also, one or two of the songs may have the incorrect titles - I did my best.
There is plenty more to come in the coming weeks/months.

"The Truth"


"Desinty"


"In the End"

Refuse to Fall

Straight-Edge Krishna-Conscious Hardcore from Texas.

I never got a chance to see Refuse to Fall live. In fact, I have no idea what the origin of this tape is. It comes from a tape that got passed around, copied, and re-copied between some friends when I was in high school (or junior high, not sure). I assume the date in the lower right to be accurate - I have no reason to doubt it. I think the show has got to be from somewhere in between Baltimore/Washington DC and Boston for us (in Bucks County, PA) to get a hold of it.

I do not know the first song. The second song, "Temporary Eye," is unfortunately cut just as it's starting.

"Temporary Eye" is on the the Soulfire (Equal Vision) 7"/EP, which is awesome! I thought that in high school and, after a re-listen recently, still think that. Search around the web, you'll find some mp3s. I don't think it is still in print, but you may be able to find it.

Not sure what ever happened to them.

My New Favorite Old Wall Paper

I really can't even come up with a story that would do this picture justice.
So I present this picture sans story.

Both Kinds of Killing

I would just like to take a brief moment to say that anyone who is exlusionary in his/her killings is an asshole. Let this serve as a lesson to us all and help bring this worls a little closer.

Thank you.

Larry's Home From School

Larry had been home from college for exactly three days, four hours, and five minutes before he got himself in some sort of trouble. The specific reason for his trouble was not nearly as interesting to Larry as the fact that he was able to pin-point the moment and become entranced with the 3,4,5 anomaly. It was precisely because of this that he ran the stoplight - the only stoplight in town - on his way home. Larry was in a hurry, but that's not why he ran the stoplight. He was always a very careful and cautious driver. He ran the stop light because he was checking out his calculator watch. He was in a hurry because of acute paranoia.
Larry had been away at State U studying chemistry. In his three semesters at school Larry learned four things. He was a stud with the ladies. He was never going to finish college. How to make LSD. And that with the LSD, his small town of loyal Pink Floyd fans, and a little of the ol' college try (minus the college part of course), he did not need college.
Larry had planned to build an empire. An empire built upon the sale of synthesized mind-altering substances. His best friend Mook said he would do most of the leg work. Larry just had to sit back and make the shit.
On this day, his fourth day home (do the math), Larry became paranoid that his parents (one of the world's foremost preeminent husband-wife dating experts teams) knew.
They knew everything.
They knew he was not going back to school.
They knew that his chemistry set was not being used for good as he always assured them.
He knew they would turn him in.
Getting pulled over for running the stoplight just added to this.
In actuality, it changed nothing. Larry was safe. Safe from the police. Safe from his parents. Safe. In fact, if this day had turned out differently, Larry could have made enough money in a few shorts years and gotten out of the game before anyone would even notice.
But it didn't.
Larry, parked his car, ran into the front door, and was met with his parents standing, waiting for him. They had enjoyed the brownies he left for them, but questioned why they weren't left in the kitchen rather than his room. It was almost as if they were hidden, they joked. They were still, unbeknownst to Larry, completely clueless.
They had a young girl with them. She was a new acquaintance from work and they figured that her and Larry would just hit it off. She loved the brownies too and was really impressed with a man who could cook.
Larry's dad motioned everyone to come into the dining room. He had taken to new 35 millimeter home from work to fool around with it.
"Everyone smile."

snap.

Who's the King, Baby?

Who's the King, Baby?

You are, you're the King.

Damn right. Come here, Baby.

Oh, I...

Ah heck, I'm coming to you.

Smootch.

It Certainly Has Been A Long Time

... Why yes it has, I need to post soon... I promise I will:

This Friday: Present to AEJMC Mid-Winter
March 1st: Lebowski Fest Symposium Abstracts Due
Then, maybe over Spring Break...

Sex Between Friends

Dwight considered himself to be a lucky man - luckier than most men at least. Though he had never married, he was in all respects never lonely. There were a bevy of women who enjoyed his company and for good reasons - Dwight was a caring man. So caring in fact, that he felt that it would be wrong to put any one woman through the turmoil of having to deal with all the caring he had to give.
Dwight had enjoyed many sexual exploits and had done some things that he was downright ashamed of. He had had sex for money. He had slept with women and men in just about all fifty states. And, on his fiftieth birthday, Dwight had slept with a former First Lady of the United States – he would never admit who.
But there was one thing that Dwight still had not done, he had never been with more than one woman at the same time and that, Dwight would say, would be his penultimate accomplishment. His ultimate accomplishment would be to sit back and listen to St. Peter recall his life – though he was not actually Catholic and wasn’t sure how that “whole thing” worked.
February 29, 1968 was a cold and blustery day. Those kinds of days always made Dwight a bit horny and, as he sat at his boss's son Paul's bar mitzvah, he couldn't help but notice a table of three women staring at him. For a man in his sixties, he was a hunk and Sadie, Esmeralda, and Ruth agreed that he was more man for any single one of them could handle alone. Together, they figured, he could be tamed.
They knew of his reputation and that excited them. Ruth had actually met him years earlier, slept with him, and quickly forced herself to forget upon her husband's return from a business trip. Her husband was now dead. Esmeralda’s husband was clueless. And Sadie's husband was currently in a coma as a result of Sadie's as-of-yet uninvestigated Manishevitz and sleeping pill concoction.
The three women, inspired by the love children of San Francisco they had read about in Life Magazine and drunk on cosmos, approached Dwight. They were blunt and to the point. They offered. Dwight accepted.
Overhearing the conversation, Paul quickly darted to snatch a camera upstairs. Hurrying, he was able to catch them just as they were about to leave.
When Dwight died three years later of a heart attack he was met by St. Peter. St. Peter blushed as his life was recalled. Dwight died a happy man.

Rudie Was In Your Home

Rudie was a demented man, though few were aware of just how crazed he was. Even now, years after his death, very few are aware that living right in their back yard was a crazy man. Literally! Rudie literally lived in the backyards of his neighbors.
Sure, Rudie had a proper house of his own, right at 52 Maple Street, near where the pharmacy is today. But Rudie spent very little time at his own home. Usually, he could be found in any one of the dozens of backyards of his neighbors - if anyone had actually ever looked for him. Which they didn't.
Rudie was, for all intents and purposes, harmless in that he never would cause physical harm to anyone he ever met or had not yet met. No, Rudie's true dementia came out in his obsessions with other people's lives. Though today we would call him a voyeur, in his day, they would have called him a Peeping Tom. That is, if anyone had ever caught him in the act. There were those who speculated, even publicly, but they were usually met with disbelief.
The culmination of Rudie's obsession with people's lives would usually come to a paramount when he would work up the nerve to enter someone else's home. It wasn’t necessary for the inhabitants to not be home, Rudie entered homes as he lived much of his life: quietly. While inside, he would usually play with various items, sit in most chairs, and ultimately photograph himself in the home.
He developed the pictures himself in a rather sophisticated color dark room in his basement. After development, he would place the photo in a corresponding envelope with the family's name and address written on the envelope.
Rudie died quietly and alone. At the reading of his will, no one attended, but the executor was instructed to find the envelopes in a box underneath his stairs, stamp the envelopes, and place them in the mail without question or investigation. He did just that and on the following Wednesday afternoon dozens of families received envelopes containing a photograph of a jolly stranger in their own home.

Can't Buy Me Love 2

Someone has taken the time -- as well as a good deal of emotional investment -- to set up an on-line petition demanding a sequel to Can’t Buy Me Love. The petition, to "movie studios," urges that the sequel to the 1987 film star Patrick Dempsey & Amanda Peterson - the original film's stars.
I think it would be really special if we all joined this noble fight.
It's the right thing to do.
C'mon, won't you please help out?
Woncha?
Please.

Sign here

Estelle's Dilemma

Estelle couldn't stand her family. She detested the very thought of having to spend every holiday with them. In actuality, there was not really anything wrong with her family. The problem was Estelle. She was in all respects a horrid person.
Estelle's twin sister, Shirley, was really no better. She too hated the very thought of spending multiple hours with a group of people with "no class" and no respect for the finer things in life. Shirley had moved to Boca Raton for the sole reason of getting away from everyone. Shirley's only joy was seeing Estelle. She felt the two of them had a special bond that was not shared by anyone else. Estelle hated Shirley more than anyone else.
Thanksgiving 1978 would be the last time Estelle, she swore, would sit through the holiday drama. Estelle was forced to sit between Shirley and Aunt Mo. Aunt Mo's chatter and "horrid accent" were eased by the fact that Estelle was almost entirely deaf in her left ear. The seating situation was only worsened by the fact that one of her nephews sitting across from her had been fiddling with a new camera for much of the day trying to make it work. Estelle had worked at Photomat for much of her adult life and could have easily shown him how to work it, but considered it too much trouble. She hated pictures and never understood people's obsession with cameras.
The only thing that could make this day any better would be if Estelle and Shirley's Father, a life long car salesman, would just quit with the fart jokes. They knew this would never happen. So they would continue to glare at him with a judging stare after each and every joke.
"I got it."
Snap.

Maria and Whats-His-Name

1989 was a weird year for Maria. She had been separated from Tom for about a year. Tom had told her that he was moving on. Maria was still holding on to the idea that the two could end up working it out. In actuality, Tom was miserable and lonely, but otherwise he was sure that the separation was for the best, Maria, on the other hand, began a semi-destructive ritual of bar hopping.
She was by no means a slut although she would, years later and only partially in jest, refer to the time as her "Slut Years."
Maria frequented Backwater Tides, a bar once imagined as a Caribbean-themed eatery in South Jersey that now only possessed the name and no other remnant of this in its decor. Maria would usually show up alone, but became quite friendly with the bar staff, particularly a young female bartender named Simone. Simone was younger than Maria. Simone loved to think of Maria as the sister she never had despite the fact that she had two older sisters, one younger sister, and a younger brother who would (though not as of yet) become the foremost Madeline Albright female impersonator of South Jersey.
Maria slept with a few guys during her "Slut Years." Some where regulars, others were after work imbibers from a local insurance firm. Charles was the latter.
Charles had seen Maria a few times and referred to her as an "easy mark." In reality, Charles barely had a shot with her. He was snide in his masculinity, yet questioned about his sexual orientation on a near-daily basis. He had boasted of the dozens of women that had "been lucky enough to share an evening with 'The Rocket,'" as he was quite fond of calling himself, but really, Charles had only slept with three different women at the time.
Maria had just finished a rather "shitty" conversation with Tom, three shooters of Fuzzy Navel, two vodka-cranberries, and half a pack of Marlboro Reds when Charles walked over with two Budweisers. Charles introduced himself. Asked her name. Informed her that he had been watching her. She was mildly amused, but quite drunk. She figured that he would work. Charles was thinking the same.
"Maria!" It was Simone with one of those fancy new cameras. "... and"
"Charles, it's Charles. And you are?"
Snap.

George and Marla Reunited after all these years

Was it really her? Really? Yes it was. George couldn't believe his eyes. And this time it was not as a result of the drink. It was really Marla after all these years. There she was in all her glory, exacly as he remembered her.
Finally, the two had been reunited. And it really did feel so good - as George often speculated. He had never married.
The two talked for ten minutes about the old times and the whats new. Marla's husband, Charlie, was a little jealous - as he would confide in her later - but he didn't care.
The two hugged awkwardly and were just about to say their goodbyes when Susan walked by and snapped a picture. She got Marla's address and promised to send her a copy. She never did.

Ronald and Linda's Prom

Ronald had been working up the nerve to ask Linda to the prom. It wasn't actually Linda's prom, it was just Ronald's. Linda had graduated the year before from Vasco de Gamma High School and was currently pursuing an Associate Degree in Astrology from a nearby progressive junior college. Ronald was impressed by Linda's ambition and would often joke, "College, I mean, wow! Linda's so smart. I can't ever even remember the name of that place, let alone, you know." Most agreed it was barely a joke.
Ronald worked at the Ground Round. Linda also worked there. Ronald as a dishwasher, Linda as a hostess and sometime waitress.
Linda had seen Ronald around. They spoke on occation and even once smoked a joint together in Larry the Cook's van. Linda was in the front seat, Ronald was in the back with a few other guys. Linda never acknowledged anyone in the back the entire time, preferring instead to be bedazzled by Larry's new interior and CB radio.
The day Ronald finally asked Linda to the prom was a special day for Ronald. He had been able to sneak an extra break at work by "just not arguing" when Smitty sent him on break apparently forgetting the fact that Ronald had just had a break. Linda was also on break. After Ronald reminded Linda of who he was, he asked her to the prom. She had missed her own prom the year before for reasons no one knew for sure. She bregrudgingly said yes. Later, Linda would confide in Larry that she just felt so sorry for him.
The weeks leading up to the prom were ones filled with sheer jubilation in Ronald and mild trepidation in Linda. She said she would go so she would go. That was the kind of person she was. Somewhere inside Ronald was aware of this.
Ronald borrowed Larry's van with the instructions that if he fucked anything up, Larry would surely fuck him up. Ronald agreed. He would be careful and even would return the van with the tank "pretty much full."
Ronald dropped Larry off at the bowling alley on his way to pick up Linda. Linda's folks were warm to Ronald noticing that he was a tad nervous. Linda's father had plans to "play the mean dad" but quickly dropped those plans upon being quite impressed with Ronald's clean style.
Linda's mom insisted that the two pose for a picture in front of the Levittowner before they were off to the prom. Both agreed.
Linda's dad got the camera as Linda's mom posed the kids. Linda's dad sanpped the picture.